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The Particular Experience of Jewish Grief In Our Current Socio-Political Landscape

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As many of you know, in addition to being the communication and event coordinator for the Ann Arbor Reconstructionist Congregation, I have also been attending University of Michigan’s School of Social Work. As part of my program in Geriatric Social Work and Interpersonal Practice (counseling) I have been working as a bereavement counselor for a hospice organization. In my work with clients over the last few months I have started to notice some connections between the grieving process and what our community has been experiencing since October 7th. Regardless of one’s particular position on the conflict in Israel/Palestine I have seen almost everyone in our community express notions of loss and sorrow.

Two of the primary objectives of grief counseling are to acknowledge the loss and to find ways to create meaning and cope with the loss as you move forward in your life. The work also involves allowing ourselves to feel overwhelming emotions such as anger, guilt, anxiety, spiritual questioning, social withdraw, racing thoughts amongst others. When confronted with profound grief, emotions such as these can feel particularly strong and we may feel ‘out of control’ when experiencing them. This ‘out of control’ feeling is sometimes frightening and for a lot of people it may the first time they have experienced intense emotional overwhelm.

For many of us, feeling insecurity around the safety of Israel feels like a profound loss. Many of us have family in Israel and even connections with those who were kidnapped or killed in recent attacks. Some of us have experienced tension in our personal relationships as a result of the conflict and this has created absences in our relationships that feel like loss. We all have different relationships to Israel, but most of us feel some sense of security in having land where being Jewish is not a marginalized experience. At the same time it also feels like a profound loss to wrap our heads around the amount of death and suffering that has happened in Gaza in the last few months. These are profound and complex emotional experiences. This emotional experience includes intense feelings that align with the process of grief.

So what does our tradition teach us about grief and mourning? One of our fundamental practices after experiencing a loss is to sit Shiva. During Shiva, prayers are recited to remind us that amongst the darkness “The human soul is the lamp of G’d.”1 Regardless of how we define G’d, the unsettling experience of lack of control as an individual can be comforted by the belief that this period of darkness is fundamental to our flawed humanity. This also brings to mind the Nahman of Braztlav’s meditation, “The entire world is a very narrow bridge, the only thing is to have no fear at all.”2 As we learned during High Holy Days with Rabbi Ora, leaning into the narrow bridge and feeling fear as we move forward is to be human. We are in a time of Pachad and Hitchpadut and Yirah– fear for survival, worry fear, and awe – what can this fear teach us? How can we reach deep during this dark time and take steps towards a better world?

We are indeed in very dark times and I believe we are all grieving for our own particular losses during this terrible war. The final wisdom that I want to share with you from our Shiva prayer book is the wisdom of the community of Shiva. When we sit Shiva, we do not claim to understand the suffering of the mourning, but to be there with them and witness. To support the mourning with love and with tenderness without expectation.

How we express our grief is unique to our position and the myriad experiences that have defined our lives. This experience of grief is a natural part of loss and regardless of our political beliefs we have all lost something as a result of this terrible war. You will be heartened to know that plans are in the works to be together in community to witness and act on our experience of loss and grief around this place in history. Communications will soon be sent to members to invite you to be together during this difficult time. I only ask that we all be patient and gentle with each other as we come together around this issue, during grief our emotions are very close to the surface and we are vulnerable.

I leave you with this quote from our Shiva Kol Hashenamah for the House of Mourning:

“We look for the strength to withstand the sadness of loss and for the courage to endure in the presence of death. We pray for the ability to give as well as to receive comfort in our moments of mourning. We search for light amidst the darkness, striving to accept the blessing of life itself which death so often seeks to deny. Judaism celebrates life as a blessing and a gift, and occasions of loss can make us aware- as perhaps no other occasions can- of the need to cherish each moment of life that we are given.”

  1. https://www.reconstructingjudaism.org/files/kh/kh-house-of-mourning.pdf ↩︎
  2. https://www.reconstructingjudaism.org/files/kh/kh-house-of-mourning.pdf ↩︎

Chag Hanukkah Same’ach!

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Hanukkah begins at sundown on Thursday, December 7th and ends at sundown on Friday, December 15th.  

Image of Menorah from Billings Montana Gazette

A brief Hanukkah teaching:

According to our tradition, we light the Hanukkah menorah (Hanukkiyah) by a window as a symbolic gesture of spreading light to others.   During times of increased danger (anti-semitism) the sages say that it is okay to place the menorah on a table away from a window.  (Talmud Shabbat 21b:8)  

Project Menorah is a grassroots movement that offers another way of addressing anti-semitism during Hanukkah, that allows Jews to proudly display the menorah in public view and at the same time encourages non-Jews to place an image of a menorah, along with their other holiday decorations, in their windows during the December holiday season in fellowship with Jewish friends and neighbors. It is a simple way to show support for the Jewish community.

Watch this short video on an inspirational story of how the Billings Montana Gazette printed 50,000 images of a menorah for people to put in their windows during the holiday season to help their town defeat acts of hatred against Jews.

Blessings of love and light,

Rav Gavrielle

Links to Hanukkah Music:

Illuminating (Maccabeats) – https://youtu.be/Kd_vS0IINIE?si=iFHAHPpnz9jyIN9J

Ocho Kandelikas (by Flory Jagoda) – https://youtu.be/0fHPK6CEN1k?si=KD0tbhJOCW3rqjlL

Hanukkah O Hanukkah – https://youtu.be/fcXj8Qt76mQ?si=sHA7lEqIDKrOnAqZ

Hanerot Hallalu (Warshawsky) – https://youtu.be/3WyMN4QIbbU?si=h85FAeRCZ0Xtr2f8

Dreidl Dreidl – https://youtu.be/WKreDYVWark?si=HxFvTfApj1-oxwSB

Love Surrounds You (Ross and Rondeau) – https://youtu.be/JwTsTUs0KIY?si=qXCb9M02WkWSh5cp

Opportunities to Celebrate Chanukah In Community Abound, Please Join Us!!!

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We are so excited about these wonderful opportunities to spend time celebrating Chanukah together in community. We hope that you will join us! Make sure that you sign up to attend so that the hosts have adequate time to prepare for the proper number of guests. Chad Sameach everyone!!

Home Hosted Chanukkah Potluck at Idelle and Dale’s
Friday December 8th, 6:30-9:00
Latkes and Fish will be provided, please indicate what you will be bringing on the signup, instruments and music are welcome!! All ages are invited. Sign up to attend HERE. 

Home Hosted Chanukah Dinner for Families with Young Children
Saturday, 12/9 at 4 pm
Families – bring your young children ~6 and under – to a simple home based celebration with Chanukah candle lighting, a light dinner with latkes, and Havdalah for the end of Shabbat.  
At the home of Carol Lessure & Jon Engelbert from 4:00 – 6:00 pm to accommodate naps and early bed times.   Please sign up to attend HERE and make sure to let her know about any food allergies & that you are planning to come! 
Home Hosted Chanukkah Gelt Hunt with the Nelson Spindlers
Sunday December 10th, 1pm-3pm
Gelt Hunt at County Farm Park (Medford Entrance). After Gelt Hunt, hot beverages and treats at Casa Spindler Nelson. Sign up to attend HERE.
Home Hosted Chanukkah Bonfire and Theatrical Reading of Hershel and the Hanukkah Goblins with Etta
Tuesday December 12th, 6:30-8:00
Bonfire, Candles, Mozzarella Sticks, and Dramatic Reading of Herschel and the Hanukkah Goblins. Dress warmly, bring your own hanukkiah and candles. Reading will be at 7pm. Indoor spaces will be available, requires going up one stair to get inside. Sign up to attend HERE. 
Wednesday Evening Chanukkah Pop In with Rav Gavrielle on Zoom
Wednesday December 13th, 6pm
Join Rav Gavrielle on zoom on Wednesday, December 13 at 6 pm for Hanukkah candle lighting. She will also offer a teaching and lead participants in a candle meditation technique from the Zohar. All you need to bring is your menorah (with enough candles for the 7th day of Hanukkah) and your beautiful neshamah.
Chanukkah Party!
Thursday, December 14th, 5:30-7:30pm at the JCC of Ann Arbor and on Zoom
Join us for our annual Chanukah party at the JCC. We will enjoy a brief service, light candles, play dreidel, and eat Chanukkah treats (potluck style of course!) Beit Sefer will have a special presentation and much merriment will be had! More details to come, save the Date!!

It Is Time To Sign Up To Host A Night Of ‘Home-Hosted Hanukkah’!!

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Its time to sign up to host a home-hosted Hanukkah gathering for our community! For those of you who are new to our congregation, the tradition includes visiting each other’s houses to celebrate in different ways over the 8 days of Hanukkah. Some events are hosted by families and are kid-friendly, some are events targeted towards adults, and everything in-between. It is a wonderful way to spend time together and get to know each other better. I hope that you will find time this year to participate in at least one night of Home-Hosted Hanukkah. 

Here are some examples of Hanukkah events that you could host, with helpful links: 

I hope that some of these ideas inspire you to sign up to host a night of Home-Hosted Hanukkah! Sign up to Host HERE!

New Beginnings at AARC, in November 2023 Washtenaw Jewish News

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This article on “New Beginnings at the Ann Arbor Reconstructionist Congregation” appeared in the November 2023 Washtenaw Jewish News.

Photo of the AARC Beit Sefer at The Farm on Jennings.  The shofar-blowing team was led by Rav Gavrielle, Evan Friedman (Head Teacher), and Madrichah Mollie Meadow on the ram’s horn.
(Sept 17, 2023)

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Resources for the Current Situation in Israel and Gaza

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As the crisis in Israel and Gaza deepens, below are some resources which I hope you find useful, supportive and nurturing.  Please note that this post will be updated from time to time so please check back.  (Last updated: January 31, 2024)

Reconstructing Judaism Website

Educational Resources

  • Prayers, Resources and Articles on Israel-Palestine 2023, compiled by Rabbi Shawn Zevit and Mishkan Shalom Members Reconstructionist Synagogue in Philadelphia.
  • This list of readings put together by Jewish women academics. The references aim to inform readers interested in learning about Israel, its history, and Israeli perspectives on the Israel-Hamas conflict. It includes both academic and literary titles and does not claim to be exhaustive.  It is a working document.
  • Unpacked.education – Deepening engagement about Israel and Judaism. Particularly useful resources for teens.
  • Moment Magazine interview with Fania Oz-Salzberger, coauthor of the book Jews and Words with her father Amos Oz, who talks about how she and other Israelis are coping with the dramatic upheaval since the start of the war, her personal experience, her hopes and fears for Israel, and how she is processing what she is experiencing.
  • More Books:
    • The Israel-Palestine Conflict: Contested Histories (Neil Caplan)
    • Side by Side: Parallel Histories of Israel and Palestine (Sami Adwan, Dan Bar-On, Eyal Naveh and Peach Research Institute in the Middle East, eds)
    • Struggle and Survival in Palestine/Israel (Mark LeVine and Gerson Shafir, eds)
    • End of Days Ethics, Tradition, and Power in Israel (New Perspectives in Post-Rabbinic Judaism), 2023. The book presents an argument against Israel’s occupation of the Palestinians and the suppression of their rights from the perspective of a modern Israeli religious Jew.
    • One Land, Two Stories (Shaul Gabbay and Amin M. Kazak
  • Letter from Gershon Baskin (Israeli journalist and former chair of Israel/Palestine Center for Research and Information) to Ghazi Hamad (of Hamas leadership) on Wednesday November 1, 2023: Link
  • Signs of Compassion, Empathy and Hope. “Jewish Israelis and Palestinians consistently underestimate the other group’s hope for peace.” NPR piece by Ari Daniel.
  • Hope Amidst Violence and Conflict. WBI/JCC Positive Psychology Hour, Oded Adomi Leshem, Scholar at Hebrew U, discusses how hope theory can aid us at this time of collective sorrow and rage and how it can propel us into action.
  • Fighting a Just War (Shalom Hartman Institute), an interview with Tal Becker, Senior Fellow at the Hartman Institute, Legal Adviser of the Israeli Ministry of Foreign Affairs, and a veteran member of Israeli peace negotiation teams, about the ethics of Israel’s current operation in Gaza. (Conversation on ethics of war, fighting terrorist organizations with the capacity of armies, maintaining and sowing compassion in order to avoid unbridled use of force, and the confusion created by the dissemination of misinformation.)
  • Interview of Mosab Hassan Yousef, son of Hamas founder.
  • “When Both Silence and Statement Become Complicity,” Charlotte’s Web Thoughts, a podcast episode on the complexity of taking sides.
  • “The Sermons I Needed to Hear Right Now.” Ezra Klein interview of Rabbi Sharon Brous (of Ikar), who urges us to strengthen both our tribal and universal attachments, to keep our hearts open not just for the suffering of the Israelis but to also extend our circle of care and concern to include the suffering of the Palestinians.
  • Peace in Israel/Palestine, collection of resources curated by Rabbi Irwin Keller of Ner Shalom. Note the video on the contents page – Israel And Palestine: How Did We Get Here And Where Could We Go From Here? (Jan 2022) – featuring a presentation by Rabbi Maurice Harris, Israel Affairs Specialist at Reconstructing Judaism.
  • Israel’s forgotten hostage: Avera Mengistu remains in Hamas captivity after 9 years
  • Rabbi Seth Farber discusses halakhic issues regarding burial in Jewish cemeteries of Israelis (many of them killed at the Nova party) who were not halakhically Jewish (according to Israel’s chief rabbinate), as well as current halakhic issues in Israel concerning cremation and temporary burial.
  • ‘And,’ not ‘Or’: Empathetic Complexity and the Israeli-Palestinian Conflict & Efforts to Resolve It, MSU Serling Institute hosts a discussion by Director Yael Aronoff (Jewish) and Monmouth University political science professor Saliba Sarsar (Palestinian).
  • Sermon by Rabbi Sharon Brous looks to a medieval midrash to articulate the necessity of working toward bridge building in the face of deep trauma. As she states “adding grief to grief will never heal the broken heart.”
  • Analysis | Three-quarters of Palestinians Support Hamas’ Attack on October 7, Says New Poll. Why? Two new polls offer insights into the Palestinian mind-set during wartime. To understand the findings, we must consider the conceptual world of respondents who live in a society that has never been free and is invariably at war.
  • Defeat Hamas or Rescue the Hostages? (Hard Questions, Tough Answers- January 22, 2024). Yossi Alpher is an independent security analyst. He is the former director of the Jaffee Center for Strategic Studies at Tel Aviv University, a former senior official with the Mossad, and a former IDF intelligence officer.

Anti-Semitism

  • Resources and tools for addressing anti-semitism
  • Incidents of anti-semitism (compiled by ADL) since October 7, 2023.
  • Articles from the Shalom Hartman Institute.
  • Why Israel, a blog created after October 7, 2023, by a Jewish Canadian historian who is currently living in Israel.
  • Clip from an interview of Merav Michaeli, leader of Israel’s Labor party, on Irish radio in response to being asked repeatedly about Palestinian suffering only, without any mention or acknowledgement of Israeli suffering.
  • Michal Cotler-Wunsh, Special Envoy for Combatting Antisemitism, gives a speech at the UN on the ever-mutating virus of antisemitism. In her words, “never again is right now.”
  • Website on transcending Jewish trauma. Take a look at the map of internalized anti-semitism of Ashkenazi Jews in the US. The map is meant to be used as a tool for healing and collective transformation. Click on this article which offers writer, editor, and democracy activist Micah Sifry’s perspective on trauma-based reactions to the Israel-Gaza war.
  • Shine a Light, a website with educational resources and articles on anti-semitism.

Jewish-Palestinian Dialogue and Bridge Building

  • Interview of two Dartmouth proessors — Susannah Heschel, chair of Jewish studies, and Tarek El-Ariss, chair of Middle Eastern studies — set out to create a forum for students to discuss their thoughts in a respectful non-polarized manner.

Where to Donate

Resources for Talking to Children about the Crisis

Resources for Spiritual and Emotional Support:

  • 101 Healthy and Productive Ways to Respond to the War
  • Hashpa’ah (Spiritual Direction): Hashpa’ah is a traditional Jewish term for the relationship with a Jewish spiritual director/companion or mashpia/h (in Hebrew). The Mashpia/h offers guidance and support on matters of faith and practice, relationship with the Divine and meaning, calling and purpose of life itself.  To learn more about haspa’ah: Evolve. To find a spiritual director:
  • Moving the Body:
    • walking in nature, exercise, dance, yoga, tai chi, chi kung
    • Walking Minyan – Community prayer in nature (can also be a solo practice).  Please contact rabbi@aarecon.org for more info.
  • Prayer
    • Shabbat and Kabbalat Shabbat Services
    • Praying for Israel
    • Meditation (various techniques and traditions including mindfulness and focusing on the breath). 
    • Song Circles – Forming a group to sing niggunim for peace and healing.
    • Tehillim (Psalms) Circle – It is customary to say Psalms for people who are sick or in distress.  In a Tehillim circle, the entire book of Psalms is read on a given day.  Individuals within the circle are assigned specific psalms to recite.  The number of psalms depends on the number of people in the group.  If people are interested in this practice, please contact me at rabbi@aarecon.org.  This is also an opportunity to invite participation from the wider Jewish community. 
  • Shabbat Practice
    • Take the opportunity to rest.
    • Turn off devices and especially refrain from continual checking of the news and political discourse.
    • Organize a shabbat dinner with family and friends.  Try to avoid talking about politics or the latest news.
    • Go for a long walk in nature with family, friends or on your own.
  • Mishpocha Groups: Many of our members have formed mishpocha groups during the early part of the pandemic.  During this time of crisis, your mishpocha group can be a source of support and healing.  You may want to open or close your meetings with a prayer for healing, a prayer for peace or a moment of silence to allow space for individual prayer.
  • Reaching Out to Friends and Family: Looking for opportunities to be with people you love and care about can be a tremendous source of comfort and healing.  Tell people how much you care about them.  When physical contact is understood as mutually safe and appropriate, being with loved ones is an opportunity to be nurtured by hugs.