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As many of you know, in addition to being the communication and event coordinator for the Ann Arbor Reconstructionist Congregation, I have also been attending University of Michigan’s School of Social Work. As part of my program in Geriatric Social Work and Interpersonal Practice (counseling) I have been working as a bereavement counselor for a hospice organization. In my work with clients over the last few months I have started to notice some connections between the grieving process and what our community has been experiencing since October 7th. Regardless of one’s particular position on the conflict in Israel/Palestine I have seen almost everyone in our community express notions of loss and sorrow.

Two of the primary objectives of grief counseling are to acknowledge the loss and to find ways to create meaning and cope with the loss as you move forward in your life. The work also involves allowing ourselves to feel overwhelming emotions such as anger, guilt, anxiety, spiritual questioning, social withdraw, racing thoughts amongst others. When confronted with profound grief, emotions such as these can feel particularly strong and we may feel ‘out of control’ when experiencing them. This ‘out of control’ feeling is sometimes frightening and for a lot of people it may the first time they have experienced intense emotional overwhelm.

For many of us, feeling insecurity around the safety of Israel feels like a profound loss. Many of us have family in Israel and even connections with those who were kidnapped or killed in recent attacks. Some of us have experienced tension in our personal relationships as a result of the conflict and this has created absences in our relationships that feel like loss. We all have different relationships to Israel, but most of us feel some sense of security in having land where being Jewish is not a marginalized experience. At the same time it also feels like a profound loss to wrap our heads around the amount of death and suffering that has happened in Gaza in the last few months. These are profound and complex emotional experiences. This emotional experience includes intense feelings that align with the process of grief.

So what does our tradition teach us about grief and mourning? One of our fundamental practices after experiencing a loss is to sit Shiva. During Shiva, prayers are recited to remind us that amongst the darkness “The human soul is the lamp of G’d.”¹ Regardless of how we define G’d, the unsettling experience of lack of control as an individual can be comforted by the belief that this period of darkness is fundamental to our flawed humanity. This also brings to mind the Nahman of Braztlav’s meditation, “The entire world is a very narrow bridge, the only thing is to have no fear at all.”² As we learned during High Holy Days with Rabbi Ora, leaning into the narrow bridge and feeling fear as we move forward is to be human. We are in a time of Pachad and Hitchpadut and Yirah– fear for survival, worry fear, and awe – what can this fear teach us? How can we reach deep during this dark time and take steps towards a better world?

We are indeed in very dark times and I believe we are all grieving for our own particular losses during this terrible war. The final wisdom that I want to share with you from our Shiva prayer book is the wisdom of the community of Shiva. When we sit Shiva, we do not claim to understand the suffering of the mourning, but to be there with them and witness. To support the mourning with love and with tenderness without expectation.

How we express our grief is unique to our position and the myriad experiences that have defined our lives. This experience of grief is a natural part of loss and regardless of our political beliefs we have all lost something as a result of this terrible war. You will be heartened to know that plans are in the works to be together in community to witness and act on our experience of loss and grief around this place in history. Communications will soon be sent to members to invite you to be together during this difficult time. I only ask that we all be patient and gentle with each other as we come together around this issue, during grief our emotions are very close to the surface and we are vulnerable.

I leave you with this quote from our Shiva Kol Hashenamah for the House of Mourning:

“We look for the strength to withstand the sadness of loss and for the courage to endure in the presence of death. We pray for the ability to give as well as to receive comfort in our moments of mourning. We search for light amidst the darkness, striving to accept the blessing of life itself which death so often seeks to deny. Judaism celebrates life as a blessing and a gift, and occasions of loss can make us aware- as perhaps no other occasions can- of the need to cherish each moment of life that we are given.”

1. https://www.reconstructingjudaism.org/files/kh/kh-house-of-mourning.pdf ↩︎
2. https://www.reconstructingjudaism.org/files/kh/kh-house-of-mourning.pdf ↩︎